Silver Destiny
by somemadao
Summary: Gintoki has been called to Gensokyo to complete a job for which he has no qualifications. However, common sense has never ruled over Gintoki's decisions.
1. Chapter 1

Silver Destiny

Written by some madao

Gintama is the creation and property of Hideaki Sorachi, whereas Touhou Project is the creation and property of Zun.

* * *

Chapter One

A simple job, really. "You're in, you're out, and then you're sitting at the beach, sipping whatever the Amanto equivalent of a Margarita is, and, most importantly, you can afford to do so, for the rest of your life!"

Sounded too good to be true.

Gintoki Sakata wearily stumbled past another tree.

He clearly remembered he'd turned down taking the suspicious job, so... why was he here, lost in some forest in some land he'd never been to?

And why was some little girl he'd never met before chomping down on his head, despite his repeated kindly requests for her to take a hike, preferably over the side of a cliff?

"Yer hea' i' rea''y touff!" said the girl, her mouth still full of Gintoki's cranium.

"I've been chewed on by a pro," said Gintoki. "Your weak ass bites couldn't even make me break a sweat, much less break through my toughened up skin. But I might break wind if you keep this up."

"I' tha' so?" The girl gave up. She spat out some permed silver hair, and then flew in front of Gintoki. "What's wrong with you humans?" she asked, annoyed. "The last two humans I tried to eat beat me up, and now you're here, and can't even be eaten!"

"You're not a human?" asked Gintoki, barely surprised.

"Maybe if I fry you, you'll soften up?" said the girl to herself, ignoring Gintoki's question. Her hands lit up with energy, which she began to... shoot at Gintoki.

"Oi!" Gintoki dived away from those energy bullets, only to witness the girl launch into an all out attack. Thousands of the energy bullets impacted around him, destroying the landscape. Fortunately, she wasn't aiming, merely attacking, indiscriminately. He was easily able to weave his way through the bullet storm, putting a bit of distance between himself and the girl.

However, she then tried chasing Gintoki with random shots interspersed with aimed shots. He weaved best he could, both dodging bullets and ducking under tree branches. However, he lost sight of one, and it hit him in his chest. Or rather, it passed through his chest, for whatever reason.

"Che! Missed your hitbox," said the girl, annoyed.

Gin was shocked enough at surviving the girl's shot, that he didn't even react when she fired hundreds of more bullets at his torso. Not one touched him, though, all passing through him faster than even sour strawberry milk.

"Where is it?" she shouted, angry.

Gin smirked. So her bullets had to hit a particular spot on his body? And he didn't have that spot?

The girl, furious upon seeing Gin's expression, shot at his face, but it too passed through him. Then she aimed at his scrotum. Instinctively, he moved to dodge her shot.

Her bullet just grazed one of his... golden souls.

Gin's eyes teared up.

"There it is, but it's kind of small," said the girl.

Gin's eyes teared up even more. "It's cause it's cold," he said, muttering.

The girl spread apart her arms, as though inviting a hug. But Gin knew, she was really preparing a big attack. He jumped away, best he could despite the dull growing pain in his groin, in preparation for all the bullets the girl was now aiming at his crotch.

He took out his wooden blade. He really wasn't up for this fight, but he had the protect the possibility of some day having children, however unlikely the prospect seemed.

Three barrages. All a bit slow, but still with very little room to manoeuvre. He did his best to avoid all the bullets, but it felt as though both his... hit boxes were grazed multiple times.

With tears in his eyes, upon (mostly) avoiding the third barrage, he leapt to the flying girl, and lightly struck the back of the girl's torso, knocking her out.

He landed, and then crumpled forward. He asked of himself whilst weeping, just what did he win in this fight?

* * *

He preferred nurses. He slowly trudged up the stairs to the shrine, reflecting on this one fact. In terms of power, rank, and prestige, shrine maidens followed nurses but possibly marched ahead of kunoichi. He was unsure of this last musing, but he was determined when he had a free day he'd clarify his feelings on this matter.

He saw standing at the top of the stairs a shrine maiden.

Well, to be sure, he'd have liked to encountered a nurse, somehow, but that wasn't to say he was displeased at the possibility of meeting a shrine maiden.

He climbed higher, anticipating his encounter with the girl at the top of the stairs.

However, the girl shouted down to him, "You're the new one? I was warned about you." She pointed a gohei at him. "I'm in no mood for any of that yokai's games, so I'm warning you to turn around right now."

Gintoki was certain he'd seen the girl, somewhere before, long ago. "S*yo-chan?" he asked, suddenly remembering where he'd seen this girl before.

The girl threw the gohei at Gin as though it were a spear. It impaled his head right between his eyes.

"Who the hell is S*yo-chan?" the girl asked, angry and embarrassed.

"My mistake," said Gintoki. "I just had a flashback to the olden days when I used to live in a mysterious ghost world, and spent my days with S*yo-chan and M*nuke fighting against the forces of..." He couldn't finish what he was saying as another gohei was thrown at him. He dodged it, and shouted at the girl, "Oi! What the hell? Is that how you greet people?" He removed the previous gohei from his forehead, and pointed it at the shrine maiden, accusingly. Blood spurted out from his forehead, but he ignored it.

"Only damned fools who can't tell the difference between shrine maidens and video game franchises!" said the girl, annoyed. She quickly corrected herself: "Or worse, idiots who can't tell the difference between reality and fiction."

Gintoki decided to put all this disagreement behind him. "Anyway, to be honest, Miss, I'm lost, scared, and all alone. Can't you put me up for the evening?"

The girl looked at Gintoki. Really looked, as though she were reading his soul. She said, slowly, after a few moments, "You look like you've been lost your whole life, so I don't know what good'll come of letting you in here for the night. And you don't really look scared at all. And I can't do anything about your loneliness. You'll just have to bear with that until you die."

"So cold," said Gintoki, his heart now aching a bit. "Just for tonight, Miss?" He really was doing his best not to start crying from her harsh words.  
The girl sighed, annoyed. "Damn it! If I didn't have to accept everything, I'd tell you off right now!" She gestured for Gintoki to climb the stairs, and then turned around. "I'll dig out a futon for you."

Gintoki climbed the final stair, and entered the shrine grounds. Seemed a bit run down, but hell, he'd slept in many a dive, and this shrine was almost up to those standards...

An orb flew from where the girl had gone. It smacked Gintoki on the head.

"I just had a feeling you were thinking something insulting," said the girl, returning from behind the main building on the shrine grounds. "Anyway, get a move on, you."

Gintoki followed the girl to the rear entrance, where the living quarters for the shrine were.

"Oi, I guess we should introduce ourselves," said Gintoki. "I'm Gintoki Sakata."

The girl was silent, but only for a moment. "Reimu Hakurei."

"Nice to meet ya. By the way..." Gintoki held up the girl he'd concussed, earlier. "What should I do with this thing?"

Reimu turned around to look. "I didn't see that, before. Where were you keeping her? And why'd you bring a yokai to a shrine? Did you want it exorcised?"

"Yokai?" Gintoki asked. He lifted the girl up to eye level, and took a closer look. "Just looks like some brat to me."

"Just toss her aside. She'll wake up, eventually, and see herself out," said Reimu. "And yes, that's a yokai. A particularly stupid and annoying one, too. Used to always try to eat people, but now she's always playing down near the lake. Didn't she try to eat you?"

"Yes."

"Wasn't she flying?"

"Yes."

"And she was shooting magical energy at you, too, right?" asked Reimu.

"Yeah."

"Then what did you think she was?"

"An amanto?" said Gintoki.

"Haa?" Reimu then clicked her tongue at Gintoki's answer. "As if those appear so easily! And the lake isn't that close to here, and you walked here from there carrying that? Just how long have you been wandering around lost? And you only encountered that one yokai?"

"Well..." Gintoki pulled from behind him another small girl who for whatever reason had icy wings floating behind her back.

"Get rid of them!" shouted the girl. "What are you doing? Picking up any piece of garbage you happen across? Did you think if you collected enough fairies and yokai you'd be granted a wish?"

"I thought they were amanto!" replied Gintoki.

"And why, in you deluded mind, were you picking up amanto? Were you trying to catch 'em all? And did you even think of your appearance packing around two unconscious little girls? Don't mistake your perversion for kindness!"

"Oi! I ain't got a thing for brats! I just picked them up cause it didn't feel right leaving 'em out there alone for whatever to do whatever to them!" Gintoki pulled one more girl from behind him. This time it was a brat with green hair, and she also had white butterfly-like wings. He placed her down near the other two girls. He dusted off his hands, as though to show off he'd done some good work.

"I ain't running a night care nursery for yokai and fairy brats!" shouted Reimu, angrily. She waved her gohei as though she was casting a spell. She chanted a few words, waved her gohei one final time, and then the ground under Gintoki's feet lit up. The light enveloped him, and then it exploded.

Gintoki opened his eyes. He collected himself. He quickly checked his body for injuries. His hands went to his crotch: one, two, he counted. And then he breathed a sigh of relief.

He heard Reimu click her tongue in annoyance. "So it doesn't work on humans?" she muttered to herself.

"What did you just do?" asked Gintoki, shocked, just noticing the little girls he'd brought with him were gone.

"I tried to blow away all my problems to the other side of Gensokyo," said Reimu. "But my spell didn't work on the biggest pest here."

"Gensokyo?" asked Gintoki. "Is... here close to Edo, at all?" He knew there was a region called Gensokyo in Japan, to the west, but the way the girl said it, made this Gensokyo sound as a different world entirely.

"Edo's on the other side of your dreams, now," said Reimu. "You were either cast off from your world, or you were called here. Gensokyo exists in its own place, apart from the world you came from." She waved at Gintoki to follow her. "Let's speak some more inside."

Gintoki looked at the girl, Reimu. Damn it! He suspected she was speaking the truth.

They entered the living quarters of the shrine, sitting down at a kotatsu.

"I think I was hired to do a job by some lady from here," said Gintoki. "I turned her down, but I'm here anyway. I guess she doesn't take no for an answer?"

Reimu crossed her arms. "I know who you're talking about. She's... somebody I have trouble dealing with."

Reimu asked Gintoki, "What job were you asked to do?"

"Improve relations between Gensokyo and Edo," he replied. "Turned her down, though. Said that's a job for bigwig diplomats and politicians. She said it had to be me, though. Dunno why."

"Edo? What sort of place is Edo like?" asked Reimu.

"It's loud, and busy, and rude," said Gintoki. "In a word, it's rowdy."

"Hmm. Sounds like a lively place," said Reimu. "Well, Gensokyo's a land separated from the rest of the world. A powerful yokai created it for whatever reason, and now I'm the newest shrine maiden whose job it is to go around exterminating yokai who cause problems within the land's borders."

"You're an enforcer, then?"

"Shrine maiden."

"But one that goes around exterminating yokai that get a little out of line, like some yakuza enforcer."

"You make me sound like some cold blooded killer. I only exterminate yokai that cause incidents, and yokai that get in my way when I'm on my way to solve said incidents."

"That actually sounds worse, like you create a massacre, and then remove any and all potential witnesses."

"Oh, shush. I never exterminated a yokai in my life that didn't have it coming to them."

"Sounds like something some gangster said in some movie," said Gintoki. "Real cold."

"Fine. Believe whatever you want."

Gin stared outside of the room to the darkness. Just how long had he been wandering? Since before noon, at least. What was time the now?

There was a sudden inrush of air into the room. And then a girl. She stood, or actually wasn't standing but instead floating, sitting on a broom, facing Reimu.

"Big news! There's some new warrior from the outside world in Gensokyo! I heard he's already fought and beaten some weak ass yokai."

Reimu pointed at Gintoki, while staring at the girl.

The girl turned, and upon seeing Gintoki, frowned. "I came rushing all the way here in the dark for this? Damn it, Reimu! You better have some booze for me to make up for this-ze!"

"And how exactly is this my fault?" asked Reimu. She stood, and walked into her kitchen. When she returned, she had a sake set. Sure, it seemed cheap, and the tokkuri and choko appeared a bit cracked and chipped, but Gin wasn't one to complain. In fact, Gin couldn't even recall if he even had a set of his own.

"So, how'd you find out about this fool?" asked Reimu to the girl, waving dismissively at Gintoki.

"That annoying little yokai who's always playing 'round the lake crashed through my roof a little while ago. Scared the heck outta me!"

A nervous sweatdrop appeared on the side of Reimu's head. "Really? Right through your roof? Wonder what she was doing, that stupid yokai?"

"She said all she remembered was some warrior beating her easily, and then nothing, and then an explosion, and then crashing into my house-ze!"

Reimu poured the drinks. They each had small sips.

"So, can you do anything special?" asked the girl of Gintoki.

"Hmm? I can quote J*mp, religiously, I suppose," replied Gintoki. "Not that it's a skill I'm particularly proud of."

The girl turned to Reimu, who shrugged. "Is he already drunk?"

Gin was a bit drunk, already, having an empty stomach, but he'd imbibed stronger drink in his time. "You know, Ze-girl. You haven't said your name yet!"

"Marisa Kirisame, Stranger."

"Gintoki Sakata."

"Where ya from, Mister Sakata?"

"Edo."

"Edo?" Mirisa tilted her head. "That sounds a bit... off."

"What d'ya mean?" asked Gintoki.

"I've read a little bit about the outside world. Read that there's no more Edo, and it's called Tokyo, now-ze."

"Hmm? News to me," said Gintoki.

"We'll figure this out, tomorrow," said Reimu, as she refilled her guests' choko.

"Are you interested?" asked Marisa.

"A little. And otherwise I'd only be sweeping and drinking tea all day tomorrow, anyhow. It's been some time since the last incident, so I'm getting curious as to why that gap yokai brought this creature here."

"Oi," said Gintoki.

"Think she's planning something big?" asked Marisa of Reimu.

"She's always got some annoying plan going on. It's our job to make sure it doesn't fall completely on us to resolve when it gets crazy."

End Chapter

* * *

Author's notes:

It was originally gonna be, "Oh, shush. I never exterminated a yokai in my life that didn't have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in my life are my yin-yang balls and my word and I don't break them for no one."

Felt a bit forced, though. It's funny, but just doesn't belong. But I wanted to share it with all of you, and I do sincerely apologize for sharing it.

As for my next release, it'll probably be Chapter 2 of A Certain Cursed Martial Artist. I have the former release version of it, however, I feel it needs quite a bit of work to bring it up to a quality I can feel comfortable releasing.

Finally, I'm seeking a story I removed over a year ago from my profile. If anyone has a copy of it, I'd appreciate it if it could be sent to me. It's a Gintama fanfiction. Can't remember the name of it, though. It was pretty funny, and I had a number of ideas for the next part, but I lost the drafts I'd written up, and lost all motivation to continue it. However, with the release of Balls of Fire some time ago, I've had the motivation to continue my first Gintama story as the next chapter in Balls of Fire, but have had little success. Can't remember if I'd released that story under my old pen name, Drosselmeyer, or some madao. Thanks in advance if anyone is able to help with finding it.


	2. Chapter 2

Silver Destiny

Written by some madao

Gintama is the creation and property of Hideaki Sorachi, whereas Touhou Project is the creation and property of Zun.

* * *

Chapter 2

It was nighttime when he awoke.

"Or is it morning?" he asked himself, quietly.

He wearily stumbled out of Reimu's home. He could barely see anything in the darkness, merely varying degrees of shade.

He decided to walk toward the shady looking trees.

Slowly, he crept. There was no point in breaking his head on anything.

He found a decent tree, one which didn't quite feel it was too close to the shrine, and unzipped his pants.

The sound of his piss was almost magical as it hit the tree, and ran down it to the ground. He really hoped it, his urine, wasn't pooling under his feet, but what the hell could he do about that? Spread his legs out a bit wider, he supposed.

He heard loud tapping to his left. Heavy metal striking light metal.

There was a bit more light. He could make out the shape of someone standing at the next tree over. It seemed to be tap-hammering something into the tree.

"Uh. Just to let you know, your hammering sucks. Swing your tool with a bit more authority, while keeping your sight right on that spike's heart."

Whoever it was stopped with the hammer, looking over at Gin. It, whoever it was, screamed after seemingly looking Gin up, and then down.

A womanly voice. And he sensed this woman was able to see quite well in the dark.

Just great. Gin groaned, internally. He was really probably only halfway through this piss. And it wasn't as though he could rush this one, because it burned. He'd be the first to be pleasantly surprised if life could grow anymore in this spot after he was all done, considering just how acidic his urine was, this already fine morning.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked the girl.

"Um." Gin struggled to answer. It should've been obvious what he was doing. "Just doing whatever comes naturally, I guess," he said.

The girl's hammer bounced off his head.

"Oi! That hurt! And watch it! I'm trying to not get anything on my clothes, here." Blood spurted from his head, comically.

"What the hell are you doing in front of a lady?" asked whoever it was.

"Something natural. Something amazing. A miracle, really. I took clean drinking water, and sake, and transformed it into something that could eat through concrete."

Finally, the stream ended. He looked at the girl, or where he thought she was, and asked, "Do you mind not watching? I gotta shake it off a couple times."

Somehow, the girl had gotten her hammer back. He knew this, because she again threw it at him, but this time at his torso. And this time, she threw it four times harder than before. He was lifted off his feet, and he landed on the ground with a thud. He was fairly certain his pants and boxers had fallen down to his ankles, too.

And then something small floated to his face, and started slapping him. Was it a doll?

Tears streamed out of Gintoki's eyes. This was just too humiliating.

* * *

"Eh? So the creature did something perverted?" asked Reimu of Alice Margatroid, tiredly. It was now dawn. The sun was rising, steadily, lighting the world. There were four sitting at Reimu's kotatsu.

"I'm not in the wrong here," said Gintoki. "She showed up after I'd already started going. And if she couldn't see in the dark, she wouldn't have seen nothing."

"Haven't you ever heard of something called a toilet?" asked Reimu.

"A tree is a man's toilet," replied Gintoki. "Even before the time Japan was unified as one country has this been true. In fact, this is why Japan was unified, so man could go anywhere."

"The toilet is closer to you than any of the damn trees around here," said Reimu.

Said Gintoki, "You must understand. A man will go anywhere there is something raised. 'Sides, I didn't know where your washroom was."

"You, shut up," said Reimu to Gintoki. She turned to Alice, and demandingly asked, "And what were doing? What were you hammering on my trees, this time? Another curse doll?"

Alice turned her eyes away. "Let's... let's not get distracted, here. The real issue is this perverted silver perm's indecent exposure."

"Now that you mention his perm, his hair is real poofy. A whole lotta women would kill for his head of hair," said Marisa, who'd been watching with a bemused expression on her face. She turned to Reimu, and said, "I bet that tree's got a curse doll with a big capital R on it-ze. I keep telling Alice, that won't work on Reimu."

"I'll succeed," said Alice. "I work hard, everyday, unlike our lazy shrine maiden."

"Oi," said Reimu.

"I'd like to see you try," said Marisa. "Picking a fight with Reimu's like picking a fight with the gods, and I do that, everyday."

"That's the whole purpose of challenging her," said Alice. "Overcoming the gods with strategy."  
"You gotta use power," said Marisa.

"Settle this outside," said Reimu. "And then I'll challenge the winner."

"I'll be the winner today against you both, this morning-ze," said Marisa. "After beating Reimu, I'll bring my record one win closer to fifty-fifty."

"You'll lose thinking like that," said Alice. "Don't forget you're facing off against me, and I'm aiming for the win."

"What's your record against Reimu?" Marisa asked Alice.

Alice looked away. "It's not important." She stood, and walked outside.

Marisa followed her. "C'mon. Just tell me!"

Gintoki continued to sit at the kotatsu. Reimu, too, seemed unmoving.

"I get a weird feeling from you, Sakata," said Reimu, after a few minutes. "And your presence seems unwelcome to the outside world."

"Hmm?"

"Normally, when people reach the shrine, they're automatically sent back to the outside world, but in your case, the outside world rejected you. That's the feeling I get."

"What does that mean?" asked Gintoki.

"I don't know," replied Reimu. "I can only guess you're being held here by someone. The one who summoned you here, probably. That, or you're not wanted back, which wouldn't surprise me."

"But everyone loves Gin-chan."

Reimu's face contorted into one of disgust. "Please, don't call yourself that. Ever again." She crossed her arms, and then sighed. "I guess the only way we can get you back home is to confront her."

"That lady who brought me?"

"Yes, but it's a pain calling her out. There's steps to be taken, which mostly involve annoying side-quests. First of all, we need to confront her servants. She gets annoyed when they're beaten up. And then we need to beat her up, too."

"Sounds gangster. You sure you aren't descended from yakuza?"

"We won't get you anywhere if we're nice. Hardly anyone in Gensokyou will do anything without strong impetus. And my strong point is force."

Marisa entered the premises, happily smiling, but appearing a bit worn out. She sat down at the table. She was followed by Alice, who seemed unhappy and annoyed. She, too, seemed worn out. She sat down, huffily.

"Yeah, Reimu's strong point is unrestrained violence," said Marisa.

"I'm restrained," said Reimu.

"Unprovoked, unnecessary, unladylike..." Marisa seemed to be counting off Reimu's 'good' qualities using her fingers. "She couldn't be diplomatic if anyone's life depended on it. But that's a plus in my opinion! There's no good in talking things out. Fight, and then talk."

"And then that's probably the reason both of you are always so lost whenever an incident occurs," said Alice, pouting. "You two just run around fighting anything that moves. You don't even investigate or think about it. You two just barge into wherever you want."

"Ha, ha, ha!" Marisa sat back, and laughed heartily at Alice's criticisms.

"Don't laugh about it! If either of you just used your heads to start with, then you'd probably both get into fewer fights. And with fewer fights, people'd probably look at both of you differently. For one, people might visit the shrine more often if they knew their shrine maiden wasn't so rowdy."

Reimu appeared a bit sheepish. "That's... that's probably true."

"And you..." Alice pointed at Marisa, who grinned, awaiting Alice's criticism of her. "I guess there's nothing on Earth that could improve your wretched personality."

"Ha, ha, ha! You're probably right!" said Marisa, who burst out laughing.

Alice seemed annoyed how Reimu was only slightly abashed, and that Marisa had absolutely no shame in the face of her criticisms. She stood up, and said, "I'll be returning home, now." She spun on Gintoki, first, though. "And you, you worm, I'll curse you first chance I get!" She then left the shrine, quickly.

"I think she likes you, Perm." Marisa cackled. "She only curses those who really annoy her."

"I've been through a curse or two, before. I'll live."

"Now, Reimu. It's our turn to fight." Marisa pointed at the shrine maiden. "I'm gonna be the winner. I was in the zone against Alice, and I ain't feeling any different even now!" She gestured at Gintoki to follow her. "Come and watch some danmaku."

Reimu stood up, tiredly. "Ah, let's get this over quickly, and then we'll eat, and then leave."

"Where to?" asked Marisa.

"I don't know. We'll figure it out when we get there."

"Sounds a bit confusing. Dunno how we'll manage with instructions like that. Sounds even more confusing than flying to the second star to the right and straight on till morning."

"Are you trying to get under my skin?"

"I'm not trying at all. I just do this naturally. Maybe it's my ability?"

Reimu sighed, tiredly. "I wouldn't be surprised if it was. Marisa's ability: to annoy the heck out of anyone nearby." She glanced at Gintoki. "And his: to drive people into unforgiving lunatic mode."

"His sounds better than mine. I wanna switch." Marisa walked out of the shrine onto the grounds. "Let's scrap already!" A moment later, when it was apparent Reimu wasn't immediately following her outside, Marisa seemed to have found something to clink together. She called out, while banging together whatever it was she'd found, "Reimuuuuuu. Come out to plaaay-ay-ze!"

"Ah, that girl!" Reimu walked out of her home, with Gintoki languidly following behind.

It was a pair of cola bottles Marisa had found. Upon seeing Reimu exit the building, she tossed the bottles onto a pile of sand. She reached out her hand, and her broom flew to her. She caught it. And she started floating in the air.

It looked to Gintoki as though Marisa was hanging from her broom, as though it was the tool allowing her to float in the air. However, he sensed something different, as though the broom was a lie.

Reimu followed Marisa into the air, as though it was most natural. She used no tool to fly.

The battle started.

Marisa started with the opening salvo. Reimu barely moved, observing the bullets. And then she slowly started to weave her way through the space between the bullets. Well, slowly was incorrectly describing what Gintoki was seeing. Reimu was deliberately gauging her pathway through the storm.

Yeah, Gintoki knew the feeling Reimu must've been experiencing. Exhilaration. Tempered by panic.

Ah, what would he give for some popcorn? He watched the fight, detachedly.

Oh, sure. It was two girls fighting in the sky, but he'd read stories in J*mp that would leave its readers weeping, where the heroes were heroes and the villains were villains, and there were others who could be one and then the other, not because of shallow capriciousness, but because of friendship! Effort! And victory!

The heroes and villains of J*mp all fought for what they believed in. What did these girls believe in, to be fighting as such? Three squares? Booze?

Well, it'd be hypocritical of Gintoki to state he didn't believe in those, either, but what he was watching was not a man's fight. It was akin to a beauty or dance contest with bullets. It'd be like watching the figure skater Mao As*da on the ice at the same time as Miki And*, but both would have assault rifles to settle who would win gold.

And then there was an explosion, which knocked Gintoki out of his thoughts. A light one, really, but it caused Gintoki to look up. He saw Marisa falling to the earth. She seemed utterly dazed and confused. She landed with a thump, and stayed down.

Perhaps he should've been watching the fight, but, really, there'd only been uninteresting bloomers to see. Not to mention even if these two girls had been wearing more adult underwear, what would he have been looking at? They seemed more bone than flesh.

"I'm honestly not a satori, but I just get a bad feeling from you, sometimes," said Reimu, landing in front of Gintoki. "As though you're thinking something really insulting about me."

"Maybe it's cause of your personality," said Gintoki. "I bet you get this feeling from a lot of people."

"Yeah... but in your case, it just annoys me more than usual," said Reimu.

"I'm a bit hungry, shrine girl," said Gintoki, deciding to change the topic. "Have anything to eat?"

"Ah, geez, I'll cook something up," said Reimu.

* * *

Rice. An egg. Steamed vegetables. And tea. A nice, simple meal. Perhaps too simple. Three sat around Reimu's table to eat.

"Can't you do something about your expression?" asked Reimu, observing Gintoki eat, as she had nothing else to do. "It's kinda disgusting. Like looking at the face of a dead fish."

Gintoki sighed. "My face is my meal ticket, shrine girl. Get up close to me, and you'll see."

"The problem with that is you stink like a dead fish, too," Reimu replied.

"I stink of success, and I sparkle when it counts."

"I sparkle. Don't know what it is that you do," said Marisa, who'd recovered nicely from her earlier fight with Reimu, as she was now helping herself to second servings of Reimu's food. "If your soul was metallic, then the question becomes, what is it that rust does that would be equal to silver sparkling-ze?"

"Flake," said Reimu. "Rusty metal flakes."

"Sounds about right."

There was another visitor to Reimu's shrine. A green haired girl entered the room from outside.

"Hi! I came to visit because I heard there was a person from the outside," said the girl, who was looking right at Gintoki, her eyes full of curiosity.

Seems just like home, Gintoki mused. People just showing up without announcing themselves. Helping themselves to whatever was within plain sight. And just being plain old fashioned nosey. "That's me," he said, waving at the green haired girl, who cocked her head, as though sensing something odd about him.

"You're not from the same world as me, are you?" asked the girl.

"Hmm?" Gintoki looked at the girl, curious.

"Ah, sorry." The girl bowed. "I'm Sanae Kochiya."

"Gintoki Sakata." Damn. He'd be introducing himself every time he met someone new, he realized. Damn shame he didn't have his business cards. Maybe he could wear his name on his back. He'd turn about, and let the other do the work of learning whom he was.

"What'd ya mean he's not from your world?" asked Marisa, interested.

"Um, well, it's faith," said Sanae. "His spirit is a bit at odds with the world. It's a bit chaotic, like dropping a stone into water." She looked Reimu. "You've lived in Gensenkyo all your life, so I don't think you noticed this difference?" She seemed curious as to Reimu's response.

"I sensed something, but I didn't think that," Reimu replied. "Wouldn't have known."

"So he's an alien? An amanto?"

"Maybe not," said Sanae. "What planet are you from?" asked Sanae.

"Earth. Japan. Edo."

"Edo? Do you mean Tokyo?"

"Edo."

"Hmm? Maybe you're not an alien, then, but a time traveller, instead?"

"Hold on," said Reimu, interjecting herself forcibly into the conversation. "There's no need to play twenty questions." She looked directly at Gintoki. "Just tell her your life story, right from the start."

Gintoki reclined, looking up at the ceiling. "It's a long story, with both ups and downs. There's humour, drama, terror, and courage." He paused, momentarily. "Yes, the story of my life is titled One P*ece."

Sanae walked behind Gintoki, and then German Suplexed him. She returned to her original spot at the door.

"What was that for?" asked Marisa.

"One P*ece shouldn't be mentioned in the same sentence as this man. For if there were no gods to worship, I would set out in search of the treasure all pirates seek," said Sanae, absolutely seriously. "But it's amazing both our worlds share J*mp. That's a coincidence on an epic level. Or perhaps there's a need for friendship, effort, and victory in every dimension, and J*mp, being a meta-universal text, will appear to fulfil the void...?" At this point, she was muttering to herself, and could no longer be heard.

After having properly explained his true origins (which was after he regained his senses), Gintoki sighed. "I wish for a past that was multiple choice."

"That's a wish that won't be granted," said Sanae. She turned to Reimu. "For the life of me, I can't figure out where he's from. It sounds like the outside world, where I'm from, but... amanto? And the shogun? And Edo? And samurai? That's all in the past, in my world, but without amanto." She seemed excited. "It sounds like a great place to visit!"

"Hah?" Reimu seemed a bit perplexed. "What about the fact that his world is taken over?"

"Shrine maidens are bar hostesses in my world," said Gintoki, adding to the conversation. "And the only thing that's really worshipped there is money, which is why I guess shrine maidens are hostesses. Makes sense, now."

Sanae paled. "Um, there's no more gods?"

"Dunno. I was taking care of an inugami, because some cheap shrine maiden dumped him on me."

The other girls not named Reimu all looked at her. "Wasn't me," she said, dismissively waving her hand. "If I had an inugami, I'd get it to chase away unwanted visitors."

"Everyone's an unwanted visitor to you," said Marisa.

"Just the ones that don't donate!"

"Which is everyone."

"I donate," said Sanae.

"Anyway," said Gintoki, interrupting, "as for actual gods... I've never seen any around. Well, actually, I've felt the curse of the god of poverty, I suppose. And of misfortune, too. And I met an oni, too." There was one more. "And I personally know the god of cardboard." The girls' faces all started to show interest, so Gintoki preemptively provided the answer to the question he knew they were going to ask, "The god of cardboard can create a home out of cardboard. He can also create clothes from it. Bedding. And even food."

The girls didn't seem impressed.

"Sounds like some middle aged doofus and fool," said Reimu. She stood, and started collecting the dishes. "We'll leave after I've finished cleaning up."

"I'll help," said Sanae, rushing after Reimu, who'd gone into her kitchen.

"So, what'd Reimu say we'd do first, while I was fighting with Alice?" asked Marisa of Gintoki.

"Said we'd beat someone up," Gintoki answered.

"Do you know who?"

"The one who brought me here," said Gintoki.

"Oh? Her?" Marisa grinned. "Hey, since they're busy, and slowpokes, we should get ahead of them. I've fought against that woman, too, before, so I can get you on the right path."

"You fought that woman? Who won?" asked Gin.

"Reimu."

Gintoki stood, and followed Marisa outside.

She stood in the middle of the grounds behind the shrine. She raised both her hands in the air, and seemed as though she were summoning something.

Something was flying to the shrine. It was fast as a really fast thing, indeed. It was too fast for a simile, and definitely too fast for a metaphor.

It was a carpet.

"I saw this sitting in somebody's house, before. Thought I'd borrow it just in case it ever became useful, or in style."

It was a pretty good carpet, as far as style went. Wherever style would go, though, wasn't something Gintoki really ever understood, since it was never a place he'd ever been, but he would surmise that if he had this rug in his office, it'd really tie the whole room together.

Enought about the carpet! Gintoki returned his attention to Marisa, who'd already hopped onto the flying carpet, and was waiting expectantly.

Gintoki climbed up, and then sat down.

It was spacious. At least three metres wide, and four metres long, it probably had enough room for three or four passengers.

It rose. Marisa seemed in command.

"Witches and flying carpets really don't seem to go together, but because I've got a passenger, it's the way to go!" said Marisa.

Gintoki picked his nose, and flicked the booger off to the side.

"Now let's go find a cat to beat up!" said Marisa.

"Any cat?" asked Gintoki.

"Nope. A specific one. A childish and silly one with two tails."

The carpet started flying forward. However, it started to reverse its course.

Gintoki felt compelled to ask, "Are we sitting the wrong way around? Or is ass-first the way to fly around here?"

"Um, no. I don't know what's happening. I think maybe someone's overriding the control? After all, I'm just borrowing this carpet, so maybe the owner is calling it back?" She crossed her arms, annoyed. "And after all the trouble I went to, too! Couldn't she have picked a better time?"

"So is this gonna be a long side-quest?" asked Gintoki.

The carpet picked up speed. Its destination, unknown.

End Chapter

* * *

Author's notes:

Hmm, didn't mean to finish this chapter, next. I had intended to work on the revision of Chapter Two of "A Certain Cursed Martial Artist", but ran into some unexpected problems. 'Sides, this story wrote itself. Dunno if that's a good thing.

I keep telling people, the most apt comparison for writing is as when one sits on the toilet. You don't know how it'll flow until you start. Using that analogy, this chapter was spat out. Dunno if that's a good thing.

Anyway, once again, I'm seeking a story I removed over a year ago from my profile. If anyone has a copy of it, I'd appreciate it if it could be sent to me. It's a Gintama fanfiction. Can't remember the name of it, though. Can't remember if I'd released that story under my old pen name, Drosselmeyer, or some madao. Thanks in advance if anyone is able to help with finding it.


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